I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I bet he comes in French.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
