I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
