The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
