Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
