i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
