I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
