your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i think i have two assholes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
