So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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