Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
