do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
