I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
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Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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