dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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