Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
