apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
not ubering you a puppy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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