I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
