I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize