HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
