Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
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