I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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