i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
