how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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