so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
