Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
