he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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