Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
