it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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