It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
