Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
