Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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