You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
