I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
