I just saw a hot homeless man
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
