haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
