It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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