Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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