sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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