i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
