Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
