He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
