soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
