jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
