Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
