you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
