5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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