He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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