I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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