Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My ass is underappreciated
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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