I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i will never coherently bang her
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
