This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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