i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
