playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It was confusing and full of hummus
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
