Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is Oprah even human
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
