All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize