Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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