What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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