Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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