Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
