I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
your like the ambassador to my penis.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
