omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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