I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
