please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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