Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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