So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
