I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
