I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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